I’m at that completely miserable stage where I wake up in pain if I don’t get up to pee about 3 or 4 hours after I go to sleep, where I have to use the bathroom every time I stand up, where I never feel really hungry, and I’m generally cranky and irritable. In order to have as much paid time off as possible after the baby is born (which is only going to be about 6 weeks this time around), I’m planning to work all the way up until the moment that I go into labor. Oh how I wish I lived in a country with actual maternity benefits other than allowing you to take up to 12 weeks of upaid leave without the threat of losing your job.

This time around, I have yet another doctor and will be delivering at yet another different hospital. I chose this doctor based on the fact that they’re one of the only doctors in this area who will do VBACs (vaginal birth after cesarean). Even though I’ve never had a cesarian (or C-section for short), I figured if they do VBACs, they’re more likely to listen to their patients. I’m so sick of OB doctors wanting to schedule their deliveries because of what they have going on and pressuring to induce.

So that’s what’s been going through my head these days. Not sure I’m ready for the baby to be HERE, but I’m definitely ready for it be OUT.

I’m into Week 15, and so far, I’m up around 7 or 8 pounds which is where I want to be – I think I’ll be able to limit the weight gain to the lower end of the 25 to 35 pounds. What’s amazing is that I’m still 10 pounds less than what I weighed over the summer, and I’m still mostly able to wear all of my regular clothes. One of the most uncomfortable things about the past two pregnancies was the heartburn – and it’s already starting to kick in. Uggh! It only gets worse from here. Does that mean it’s going to be another boy? Or is heartburn supposed to mean a baby with lots of hair? I can’t remember.

I took a blood test a couple of weeks ago as part of the first trimester screening. This is not something I had done with either of the last two pregnancies – I think it may be a pretty new technology. I finally got the results of the first trimester screening and found out that there is a 92 to 95% certainty that the baby will not have any chromosomal deformities. That sure is a relief as I’m acutely aware that as I get older, the chances of those kinds of problems increase.

My belly is starting to pop out though I still haven’t told work yet. I imagine that some people at work have started to suspect, and of course, if anyone listens to the podcast or reads this blog, they’ll know. So why is it that I haven’t announced it? I don’t want it to affect the way I’m treated at work or anything about my job. I don’t want a reason to think – oh they did that because I’m pregnant, or whatever.

And lastly, I’m starting to feel the baby move. It seems early to feel it, but I’m pretty sure that’s what it is. Either that or too many salads.

So that’s my quick summary. I’ll try to post again with other major milestones.

A couple of months ago, I did a little research for Tom about how other people have lost weight. He is not interested in signing up for some sort of plan and neither of us are willing to eat fake food (i.e. “fat-free”, “sugar-free”, etc). My motto is that if I’m going to eat it, I’m going to eat the real thing and just eat less of it. The only exception to this rule is the Coke Zeros I use to drink my rum on the weekends.

So here are the links I sent him, which he proceeded to look at about a month later:
Jeremy Zawodny’s blog
The Hackers Diet
Calorie King
I also attached the spreadsheet Jeremy Zawodny had on his website.

Fast forward another month: Tom saw a picture of himself in a bathing suit while we were on vacation at his parents and was disgusted. On the 7 hour ride home, we discussed what we would do.

Eat less. Eat less. Eat less. Figure out the number of calories required for weight loss and then simply keep track of the number of calories that go into your body every day. We’d also weigh ourselves every day. Since our exercise schedule is sporadic at best, we wouldn’t consider that at all. The one thing Tom wasn’t willing to do was to keep track every day so I said I would do it for 3 weeks. Here we are 8 weeks later, and I’m still doing it. Actually, it’s worked out OK because I need to do it for me and him asking me what his calories are for the day reminds me.

So far, Tom is down 23 pounds, and I’m down about 10. For the most part, it’s been pretty easy – for me anyway. We try to limit ourselves to 1,000 calories per day during the week and allow some extra on the weekend for some drinks and/or dessert. The key is not to go totally overboard on the weekend, and limit it to 1,500 to 1,700 calories on Friday and Saturday, or it defeats the purpose of eating well during the week. There are times when Tom gets fairly hungry and refuses to eat anything because he’s had his limit for the day. I, on the other hand, will always have a little snack if I’m feeling famished. The key is to have a 25 or 50 calorie snack as opposed to a 200 calorie snack. On the other hand, Tom will have days where he feels like he’s starved himself enough and will have a hamburger and french fries or something equally unhealthy. He pays for it in the short term but it helps him keep to his plan for the long term. We’ve found that there are a few things you really need to make this “plan” work:

The scale we were originally using was highly variable which stressed Tom out immensely. A couple of weeks ago, we decided to invest in a new scale. We also have a food scale which is pretty much imperative if you’re going to count calories. We suggest you look for one with buttons that are fully covered (easier to clean), has a large, square top (easier to put round plates on), is digital (easier to read), and can convert between ounces and grams. The most important feature, however, is that you can “zero it out” with the touch of a button. This means you can put a plate on there, zero it, add some food, zero it again, add more, etc. Most scales these days can do this but you probably want to make sure the one you are looking at can as well.

If you’d like more details or want to join us, feel free to contact us.

Although they were in, they didn’t look quite right, and the ped recommended that we see our ENT within the next month or two. Of course I immediately called the ENT who typically has a month long wait, and they wanted to see him immediately. Now, this is the 4th doctor who had seen him in the past 10 days, and his verdict was: the tubes look great, they’re functioning, little guy has an inner ear and an outer ear (swimmers ear) infection.

Moral of the story? Get a first, second, third, and fourth opinion. Oh – and get your own otoscope. I don’t suggest at all that you skip going to the pediatrician. Not at all. I wouldn’t even think about asking for a prescription over the phone. However, if you have a child with perpetual ear problems, having an otoscope at home can give you some peace of mind. I’ll let you know in about 6 months if it’s helped us at all. Of course now that his tubes are definitely in, we may not need it so much.

When I took him in the second time, the pediatrician showed me the difference between an infected ear and an uninfected ear. I couldn’t believe how clear the difference was which has led me to wanting to buy an otoscope. Honestly, I wish I had bought one when all this started almost 2.5 years ago (and yes, that’s Captain Evil’s age which means that he had his first ear infection shortly after he was born – 2 weeks to be exact). If I can convince myself to part with the $50 it will cost to get it here, I’ll go ahead and get one.

I’m sure physicians have all sorts of reasons why lay people like me shouldn’t own otoscopes. I wonder if they felt the same way about thermometers when they first came out.

Day 1 – Prep
The first thing you need to do is find an image of a birthday cake that you want to replicate (remember, you have no artistic ability). Like this. Next, find a coloring page of the image you want on your cake. Simpler is better. Like this. While you’re at it, go ahead write out your text in Word or whatever software you want. You want to print the coloring book page and the text the same exact size you want it to be on the cake. Any text has to be mirrorred (I just flipped to paper over). Take a large cutting board (bigger than the size that your cake is going to be), and tape the coloring book pages onto the cutting board then put a piece of wax paper over it and tape that to the cutting board. You can use double-sided tape to stick the paper to the wax paper as well.

Day 2 – Supplies
If you’re going to make your frosting, this is the day to do it. If you’re buying your icing, find a store (like Michael’s or Wal-Mart) that sells Wilton products. I don’t know if you can use other brands, but I wasn’t going to find out. You need chocolate buttercream frosting for the parts that are going to be black and white frosting for the parts that are going to be white or lighter colors. For this step, I made a large batch of white icing and bought a 1 pound container of Wilton decoratory icing. You can store the icing in a closed container in the refrigerator – just keep it away from any strong flavors like fish or marinades. Oh, and you remembered to buy your cake mix too right?

Day 3 – Decoration Prep
Today you’re going to make a Frozen Buttercream Transfer to put on your cake so make sure you have some time. Start by getting the icing colors you’re going to need. I added black icing color to the chocolate icing to make black, black icing to the white icing to make grey, and red icing to the white icing to make red. This is the part where you trace your picture and text to eventually put on your cake. This website has a great instructions.

Take your cutting board with the picture on it and trace it with your border color. For me the border was grey. The website says to use a #3 tip and stiff frosting, but I couldn’t get that to work, so I used a wider tip like a #10 tip which resulted in a thick outline. The thick outline coupled with the fact that I had absolutely no practice using the decorator tip resulted in a pretty sloppy outline for me. Next time, I’ll practice a bit before I start on the drawing. Wait 15 minutes for the outline to set up, then start filling in. I used black to fill in. I filled in with the #10 tip, and it ended up being bit bit thick and resulted in a very stratified (wasn’t smooth like I expected it to be).

After allowing that to dry, put a layer of the base color of your cake. You can build the entire top of the cake this way, or just have seperate pieces to put on top of the cake. Once I was done with the Darth Vader figure and all the text, I was running out of white icing, so I decided to keep it in two pieces. Put a layer of wax paper over your work and put the entire thing in the freezer. I left mine in overnight. Store the left over icing in sealed containers in the refrigerator.

Day 4 – The Cake
Make your cake and let it cool overnight. I bought a 1/2 sheet cake size pan (size 18″ x 13″ x 1″) and used 2 white cake mixes in it. The one tip I would have is when you flip the cake out of the cake pan onto a cooling rack, just leave it upside down on the cooling rack. Then, the next day when you’re ready to work with it, you just have to flip it back over onto your cake surface.

Day 5 – Putting it all together
Today is the day you build the cake. Take the surface on which you’re going to build your cake (I used a sheet pan flipped over covered with aluminum foil, but you can also use a large cutting board or a piece of cardboard) and dab a bit of icing on the bottom to keep the cake from sliding and flip the cake from the cooling rack onto it. Level your cake. For some reason, I decided to buy a cake leveler last year, but I’m sure you can use a bread knife. If you can’t get the top exactly level, flip it over and just use the bottom. You can fill the uneven sides with icing and noone will be the wiser.

Put a thin layer of icing on the sides and on the top of the cake (which is referred to as the crumb coat in cake making circles). Take your buttercream transfers out of the freezer and immediately peel the wax paper off and flip onto the top of your cake. Be neat and be quick as the icing starts to thaw out immediately. You can finish icing the the sides and the top and blend the pieces. My frozen pieces ended up being really thick, so those parts of the cake were higher than the others. Once it dries a bit, you can put a border on. For this, I used Wilton’s red ready made icing tubes with a #19 star tip. It worked very well even though I had absolutely no experience making borders.

I used this description from this website to do my border:

With a comfortable grip on your icing bag, pipe in a straight line while alternating squeezes with releases. You can also adjust the speed in which you move your piping hand across. I usually pull while I am releasing and hold when I am squeezing. You can start each shell at the tail end of the previous shell so it looks like a continuous line. You will soon find a flowing rhythm and you’ll be able to put a border on a cake more efficiently.

And that is all! It was definitely amateurish, but I got lots and lots of compliments on it. I took several pictures, and when Tom gets some free time, he’ll post a picture into this entry. If you’re waiting to see the picture, feel free to let him know below.

Guess what? They’re not kidding! No really – they’re not kidding. I remember spilling red wine on carpet and knowing that stain would be there forever. Nevermore! Spot Shot gets it out. I totally recommend it! I just used in on some ink that had been on our carpet for about a week (we’ve got 2 little boys – we occasionally lose control over a pen or two in our house), and it worked like a charm. Oh – and if you’ve listened to our podcasts, you know that Captain Evil is potty training and has left us some nice presents around the house. Thank God for Spot Shot!

Now I’m not opposed to my 4 (almost 5) year old playing video games (an hour or so a week) or watching TV (a 1/2 hour a day if he wakes up before everyone else does), but I certainly don’t encourage it. A number of his friends have gotten the Wii along with a number of different games (which Tom says is just their Dads using them as an excuse to buy the system). I started to wonder if we should buy it too. Now that our financial situation is starting to improve, I can no longer say, “We can’t afford it.” I have to have better reasons for not wanting to buy a new video game console. And honestly, neither Tom nor Punkalicious have asked about buying it, so it’s not a question I have to answer (which should tell you something since Tom is so in to games). After reading the article, we’ll just go ahead and stick with what we do.

So, I saw a thread on the forums at IHMMB about this article and have had my suspicions confirmed. You do not have to medicate for fevers caused by infection! A fever is a good thing – it is fighting the infection. According to the article, the only time a fever can cause brain damage in children is if it is over 107 degrees which is typically caused by heat stroke or hyperthermia. The only exception to the “don’t worry too much about a fever” is in infants that are under 3 months old. Of course if your child is miserable and will take medicine, there is no harm in giving medicine to help them feel better.

So next time your child has a fever, you don’t have to rush to the Tylenol or Motrin. You can medicate as needed, or not. This is just another example of listening to your child!

So here were her suggestions:

• Salt Springs Campground at the Ocala National Forest
• Crooked River State Park in Georgia
• Hanna Park Campground here in Jacksonville
• Anastasia State Park in St. Augustine
• Rock Crusher Canyon Park in Crystal River, Florida
• Ginnie Springs Outdoors in High Springs, Florida

Here’s my first impressions:

• The Ginnie Springs camp sites are first come first served so may not be the best option for us. Plus, I’ve been to Ginnie Springs and the water is frigid. Great idea in the hot summer months but who wants to camp in Florida in the summer?
• Hanna Park is in Jacksonville and might be a better day event for us.
• I can’t tell if the Rock Crusher Canyon RV Park allows tent campers or not.

We’ll be looking at these closely when we decide where to camp next and report back. If anyone else has any other suggestions, we’d love to hear them.

On this particular trip, they wouldn’t allow open fires so you won’t see any wood or anything like that – just charcoal. Generally, if you have the space, it is much cheaper to buy that sort of thing locally and bring it with you. Now if you are deep woods camping you just gather what you need from around you but generally we end up at official “campsites” where they frown on such things. Buying wood at the local supermarket is expensive but nothing compared to what they’ll charge you on site. Most of all, just have fun and low expectations. To us, camping is all about relaxing. Tom usually overdoes it with the food and he suggests planning for “finger food” rather than things you need silverware for. If you can get corn in the husk, you can soak it in water for a couple of hours and then grill it right in the husk. Totally yummy. On this trip he brought fajitas but of course hamburgers are a staple. One time he even brought bacon-wrapped quail (which is technically a finger food) which was scrumptious.

Equipment
tent
adult chairs (3)
kid chairs (2)
camping stove
propane
clothes
bathing suits
diapers
wipes
podcast equipment including laptop
camera
lighter
charcoal
pan
pot
hammer
grill tools
silverware – knives/spoons/forks
tongs
sharp knife
spatula
dish cleaning soap
dish cleaning brush/sponge
paper towels
off
towels
dish towels
D batteries
lanterns
plates
ziploc bags
garbage bags
aluminum foil
cutting board
toothpicks
bikes or scooters
ball/frisbee

Food
water
eggs
hot dogs
hamburgers
buns
bread
peanut butter
jelly
cold cuts
mustard
mayonnaise
ketchup
bananas
tea bags
salt/pepper
eggs
graham crackers
marshmallows
chocolate
marinating fajita meat
salsa
tortillas

The good news:
He’ll learn another language
He’ll continue in Montessori
He’ll be in public school
He’ll be in a classroom of 3 to 6 year olds so having a July birthday won’t make much of a difference
We’ll have the option of enrolling Captain Evil there after he turns 3 for about 1/2 the price of the school he’s at now.

The bad news:
The school just became a magnet school a few years ago and has been going through some growing pains of merging two different programs
It will be about a minimum 30 minute each way commute
So far, the school hasn’t scored well on standardized tests

So what are we going to do?

We’re going to enroll him, of course. And, we (meaning I probably) are going to get involved to make sure we know what’s going on. Volunteer, learn Spanish, whatever it takes. I’ve always wanted to learn another language, so it’s my big opportunity to learn some Spanish.

What a fabulous opportunity!

We, on the other hand, have created maladaptive children because we choose to parent our children at night. This is just another example of how you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. The great thing about science/the media is that one won’t come to any conclusions without qualifications and the other will only come to the most sensational conclusions. This same story was told in Time but in a much more sensational way and was linked to other totally unrelated research studies.

What we can take from this? Do we assume that parents that meet their children’s needs are somehow harming their children? Or do we conclude that children that have more needs (which parents that might otherwise not be as responsive to) have sleep problems all through their lives? Remember, the study said that there was a high dropout rate. Who do you think drops out – parents whose kids started sleeping better through the night or parents with kids that weren’t? I’m guessing the former.

It is easy to reinterpret this (and nearly any) study in a way that supports your particular point of view. Let’s just say this – we know kids that have had their needs met and kids that haven’t. In both cases, you can find examples of kids that are “good” and “bad”. Does parenting play a role in this – absolutely. But, as we say, if you are Listening to Your Child and only meeting their needs and not their wants, you’re probably doing a good job – regardless of what the researchers say.

Category: Dads of Boys Topic: Raising Boys–A dad’s experience
Description: Things I’ve learned from my boys (honest and not kidding): 1. A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep. 2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. . .

If you want to see all 24 and laugh your but off, check out the link.

CNN.com has had all sorts of stories about autism this week.

Autism is of special interest to us because Tom’s youngest brother, John, is autistic.

If you didn’t get a chance, check out our 4 podcasts where we interviewed his parents about autism:

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

It was a lot of fun interviewing them and quite enlightening. Since Tom’s brother is in his twenties, we can only hope that parents these days have an easier time.

Tom’s dad has also written a few poems about autism (here and here). Don’t forget to check out our autism links on the right too. Lots of good information there as well.

So this past weekend, my parents and my brother (and wife and kids) came up to visit to celebrate Captain Evil’s 2nd and my father’s xxth birhtday. I’ve been perfecting this cauliflower side dish for a while and promised the relatives that I would post it on our website.

a head of cauliflower cut up into florets
3 T olive oil
3T balsamic
3 cloves of crushed garlic
1/4 C chopped cilantro
1/4 C freshly grated Parmigiano Reggiano

set oven to 450 C

1. mix olive oil, balsamic, and garlic in a small bowl
2. mix with cauliflower florets in a bowl until coated pretty evenly
3. bake in a casserole for 23 minutes and mix halfway through
4. mix in the cilantro and parmigiano and bake for another 2 to 3 minutes
5. serve hot

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess from a foreign land. As a child, this princess moved from her home to a new one across the sea. There she grew up, went to college, and got a job. Three and a half years later she was working on a bridge in Mississippi. She had worked very hard on this bridge for six months, and in four days she was finally going back home.

She had heard of this cute town nearby and had wanted to visit there but never had the chance. So, one Sunday she decided to go see the sights and take herself out to dinner. The restaurant she had wanted to go to was closed so she wandered into a different one and sat down. There she was served by a nice man who was attentive, maybe too much so (he kept wanting to get her more food and drink), and a little nervous. Finally, when she had three drinks in front of her and he had asked how her food was four times he came over to her and said, “My lady, thou art as beautiful as the setting sun yea more so because the sun doth set where your beauty will never fade. For soothe, allow me to whisk you away to yonder castle where we shall live happily ever after!” At least that’s what he meant to say except it sounded more like, “You know, I’ve been trying this whole time to figure out what to say to you to start a conversation but I can’t come up with anything so, my name’s Tom . . .”

The princess and the servant were not able to see each other before she left Mississippi but they kept in contact for a month by email and later by phone. Finally, two months after their fateful meeting the princess once more made a trip out to Mississippi and when their eyes met she saw recognition and love in his eyes and he saw that she had completely forgotten what he looked like in hers. Before she could jump in her car and flee back to the safety of her home, he whisked her inside his house (which was less like a castle and more like a hovel) and served her fine wine and food. There, they met again for the first time and the rest, as they say, is history.

Now for the blog post:
One of my coworkers was out-of-town on a job by himself and experienced eating out by himself for the first time. He descirbed it as feeling a little weird. I don’t understand the concept. I spent many single years working out-of-town prior to meeting Tom, so I’ve definitely done this. I’ve gone to fancy restaurants by myself – no problem. The most interesting thing about this is that one of the times I did this, I ended up meeting my husband (in Mississippi nonetheless). All I’m saying is, don’t be afraid to try new things and have an open mind when you do. .

More to come on the ‘how we met’ story.

What we’ve done was start out with the underwear full-time at school (once their teacher told us they were ready) and put them back in diapers when they get home (please don’t tell Ms. Alba). And as they start to catch on at school, we start using underwear more and more at home. Of course, when we’re out and about, or when we just don’t feel like dealing with toileting, we just use diapers. Now if I was at home full-time with the kids, I’m not sure I’d want to deal with all the mess, but if you’re willing more power to you. It works!

One time, I was so excited that my baby merely had a virus and didn’t have to go on antibiotics, the doctor commented that she’d never seen a parent that excited about it. She said most parents prefer to take the script and medicate the kids. Really? Do those people really exist?

Kellan got tubes about 6 weeks ago and hasn’t been to the pediatrician one time since. He even had a fever this past week and got over it without.

So my advice regarding illnesses: don’t be crazy about the antibiotics – for or against; don’t be afraid to take your kid to the doctor to get the proper diagnoses; do your research; and of course breastfeed as long as you can.

Tom, however, does not wake up once he falls asleep. Lucky for me, he stays up pretty late, cause if he didn’t, I’d be doing all the night-time parenting myself. Now, is Tom willing to wake up? I’m sure he is – but by the time I’ve yelled at him enough to wake up, I may as well have gotten up myself.

I’ve been a little apprehensive about this trip because last year I had one of my most horrible days in recent memory. This was the time that I stopped fighting the doctor every time they prescribed antibiotics for an ear infection. Kellan was 9.5 months and had just been diagnosed with ear infection No. 4 at his 9 month checkup a few days before Tom left. To make a long story short, the antibiotics didn’t kick in, he came down with a fever over the weekend. We went back tot he doctor on Monday, they switched antibiotics, and he ended up crying for 6 hours staight that evening. After the first three hours, I loaded up the kids in the car to see if that would sooth Kellan. Then, I called the doctor (around 9 PM). The doctor called in a prescription and told me I needed to get some Motrin as well to get through the night. Tom’s gone, Noah’s sleeping in the car, baby’s screaming – I drove up to the 24 hour pharmacy who told me they were out of the medicine the doctor had prescribed and they needed to contact the doctor. They also said they couldn’t sell me Motrin in the drive through. They said it would be a while, and that I should come back in 30 minutes. With one kid sleeping and the other screaming, I had nowhere to go and just waited. I ended up leaving with both the prescription and the Motrin. I think they felt sorry for me.

Poor Tom – the one night of fun they were supposed to have that trip (by going to Cirq de Soleil), was very frequently interrupted by his loving wife and screaming child.

Coincidentally, the boys had just started at Noah’s old school that same week.

All is well. We’ll see how long before his next ear infection.

What’s really annoying is that this particular hospital says that the child can have breastmilk up to 6 hours before surgery if they’re 11 months or younger. Sounds like a party line to me. What’s the difference between an 11 month and a 12 month old child? And why can’t they follow the accepted range of allowing breastmilk up to 4 hours before surgery? The other thing is that they only allow clear liquids right after surgery. Again, breastmilk is considered a clear liquid, so I ought to be able to nurse him right away. All I know is that when the poor little guy isn’t feeling well, he wants breastmilk A LOT. My only option will be to be not be with him so that he won’t want it.

The first year or two of Noah’s life, we didn’t do much in the way of Christmas gifts for him – nor did we spend Christmas at home. So when his 3rd Christmas rolled along (he was 2.5 years old), we started to really think about things. The way I come up with what to buy is to do some research on shopping sites like amazon.com. I look at the ratings and the user comments. In my opinion, the user comments are invaluable.

Amazon is set up so that you can make a Wish List, or even lists for particular people. I skip the lists for particular people and put everything on my Wish List. Then I’ll show my Wish List to Tom who will give me his opinions. We then make purchases in stores or online. Honestly, I just find it so much easier just to purchase online. I always try to get the free shipping option from amazon and look for any other discounts I can. If amazon doesn’t have it, or it seems particularly expensive, I’ll shop around at other websites (toys r us, walmart, target are some I used). In fact, for one of the items I found on amazon, the shipping was going to be $25, so I just went to the website that amazon showed and ordered it directly from them with a shipping cost of $5.

My advice – make your list using amazon.com. You can then comparison shop and find the best prices at other websites or actual stores.

We haven’t had votes on our poll in a while – for good reason – I haven’t actively been doing anything to promote my site. You faithful listeners know that we were in Turkey much of September and were busy pretty busy recovering afterward which was then followed by our Halloween party a couple of weeks ago. Life stays pretty busy with two kids and two careers. We will make more of an effort to have more content on the site.

On a side note, Kellan is FINALLY getting into books! I’ve been so excited about his interest that I’ve been willing to read Polar Bear, Polar Bear to him over and over again as many times as he wants.

There are people whose spouses travel frequently or travel for long periods of time (think military). There are also people who are single parents. Then there are people whose spouses work long hours and/or are unavailable to deal with things when they are home.

I wonder how military parents, single parents, people whose spouses are alwasy gone do it. There are so many scenarios. I’m not sure what’s the most difficult situation. I’ll just say that I’m thankful for my situation. And Tom’s not here to read this blog before I post it.

When I worked full-time, it was particularly tough. I had a step counter for a while, and used that to make myself more active when I was playing with Noah.

The day has finally arrived – Noah just started Voluntary Pre-Kindergarten, and his hours at school are 8:30 to 2:30 which gives me an extra ½ hour to hour every day. What I started doing last week was to still go to work at 7 AM and take 30 minutes to walk outside the building. So now I’m in my office about 7:30.

It feels good to have a little bit of time to myself. I’m sure schedules will change again, and I may lose that 30 minutes I have for myself every day, but for now, I will cherish it – and listen to our OFM podcast and Tom’s podcast. And maybe I’ll start to listen to some other podcasts too.

When we lived in LA, I used to listen to talk radio during my two hours of commute every day. Listening to podcasts is pretty similar, except you choose who you listen to. Looking foward to it!

To be honest, the exercising hasn’t given me the kind of euphoria that I was expecting. Maybe I’m not doing it long enough of sigh enough intensity, or maybe I just had a week full of strange things that were occupying my mind. Nevertheless, I hope to keep exercising (once we get back from Turkey), and hopefully I’ll get the feeling of euphoria (or lose a little bit of weight which is very welcome in my life).

I grew up going to public school, and I turned out OK. My opinion is that with either one, a child can get a fine education. Parents just have got to stay involved.

So here is what I plan to do: Since I plan to work part-time, I’ll have some time during the week to be able to stay involved in my children’s lives and in their school. I can volunteer at the school a couple of hours a week and that will give me first hand experience with the school. Theoretically, I’ll also have time to help with homework after school giving me first hand experience with what they’re doing. By doing these things, I’ll be pretty well connected with their schooling and be able to make changes if I need to (even if it means switching to a private school). I’m sure that this “plan” will see many changes between now and the time Noah starts school next year so it is still a work in progress. Any suggestions?

Fast forward a year – in the year since, we’ve actually made friends with children directly in response to the birthday party incident although it wasn’t mentioned in that blog entry. So this year, we actually had a lot of people that we needed to invite. Additionally, there were a few kids from school that Noah talks about a lot that we felt would be a good idea to invite. Last year, we pretty much knew that we were pretty much at the limit for the number of people we could host inside our house. It being the middle of July, and non having a pool, expecting anyone to even venture outside was out of the question. So we brainstormed and finally decided on having it at the place where Noah used to take gymanstics, where we were allowed to have 15 kids for the amount we spent ($225), and up to 20 kids for an additional amount per child. We sent/gave out ainvited about 20 kids and got 15 positive RSVPs. Of all those kids, there were only 2 kids whose parents we didn’t know at all. Two of the kids that couldn’t make it were pretty good friends of Noah’s whose parents we know and two others had a prior comittment. Amazingly, only one person did not RSVP at all. After my experience last year, I was amazed at the number of people that came. Everyone that said they were going to come, were there. I twas an awesome time! A bit pricey, considering our finances these days, but well worth it! Stay tuned for my next blog which will be about the birthday cake.

Happy Birthday Noah!

“Thursday, January 18, 2007
There is no love…
Like a parent for a child.

So, I’ve been drinking, and thinking (a generally melancholy combination). Noah’s injury, the general state of affairs of my life… A mix that adds up to deepish, unedited thoughts. My training in research… nay my general demeanor and makeup as a human being… leads me to try and quantify everything.

Even things that defy quantification.

So I’m drinking, and watching old episodes of Jericho (I DVR’ed them forever ago and never got around to watching them) and Noah wakes up and comes out and snuggles with me. He places that splinted arm around my neck (good to keep it elevated for the swelling and all) and falls asleep. And what is the only thing I can think of? How much I want to take this pain away from him.

And at this point, it isn’t so much pain as inconvenience.

He’s doing great. I truly can’t believe it. He’s not even complaining about the sling any more. How is that possible? It’s all I can think about and it seems to be the furthest thing from his mind. Children.

So, I’m getting emotional at this point and trying to describe to myself how much I love my child. Of course, there are no words. No poems. No “picture’s worth a thousand words.” None of that. For those of you without children (or worse, those with children that think it’s OK to beat the shit out of them just because you’re a fucking waste of life) imagine the thing you love the most. The absolute most. The thing that would literally make you want to end your life if you lost it. Your parents. Your boyfriend. Your pet. Your bank account. Your lifelong dream. Your speakers. Your esoteric amp. Whatever. Imagine it… think about the emotions you have tied to it… and then imagine how much you would have to love something in order to make that thing, that person, that dream, worthless. Utterly worthless. A child inspires the depth of emotion that one can’t even begin to imagine before you experience it.

I’m an egotistical man. I admit it. I spend most of my waking moments thinking I either know it or that other people are just plain wrong. So I understand your skepticism. I would be to. I’ve loved things… people… dogs… more than I thought humanly possible. Things that I thought were on par with a parent’s experience with a child. I was wrong. Totally wrong.

But why?

Is it some magical thing? Some mystical spell that is cast over you at childbirth? Not for me. For me it grew eventually. At childbirth (and this is probably very different for my wife) my children seemed little different than other people’s children. Pooping, crying, slobbering bags of wiggle. They don’t look at you, they don’t smile at you, they don’t even know you exist. It isn’t until they get a little older and start to develop a their own little personality that you find yourself falling in love with them.

So what, it sounds creepy, but it’s an accurate description.

Slowly, eventually, you’ll find yourself feeling things you’ll never believe possible. But why? I still haven’t answered that. It is simply (very simply) because of what your child gives you. Unconditional love. TRULY unconditional. By the time you’re old enough to understand, you’ve already degraded that feeling between you and your parents. Your spouse/partner loves you, but you’re fooling yourself if you think it is unconditional. Adults can’t love unconditionally. At least I don’t think they can. They love. But they remember. To love unconditionally is to forget all past wrongs (not just forgive). Your child (and perhaps this is how abusers justify their horrific actions) will forget most everything you do. They may remember (in a way) but they don’t hold it against you.

And that is something that draws you in…

I had a girlfriend (a long distance one) say that she trusted that I wouldn’t cheat on her. It was the most liberating and confining statement I’ve ever heard. She trusted me and knowing that, I couldn’t betray her. At the same time, I didn’t have to worry about jealousy or any of that stupid shit. So I was able to interact with females freely (this was in high school so insecurities were a common occurrence) but her trust forced me to be faithful.

That was nothing compared to the type of trust a child puts in a parent. A trust that is so deep that it makes you attempt to be a better person. A trust that is so deep that, even though you know by age 12 they are going to hate you, you still want to do everything for them. A trust that is so deep, you are fairly sure that when they DO hate you, you’ll STILL want to do everything for them. A trust that is so deep that you wake up every day surprised at the intensity of the emotions you are feeling. A trust that is so deep that it inspires me to wax poetic on a blog that no one reads. My dad once told me that I could never understand how he felt about me until I had my own child –

He was right.”

So what did I do? I met a couple of people in our neighborhood; I started going to La Leche League meetings; and I joined a group for mothers with children under the age of 5 (St. Anne’s Circle) at our church (St. Josephs Catholic Church). Now for people who know me well, joining the group through our church would sound strange because I’m not Catholic. We got married in the Catholic church and I agreed to raise my children Catholic. My father-in-law was really the one who suggested it so I thought it really was OK for me to join. We occasionally get together with the people in the neighborhood, but don’t really seem to have a lot in common. The La Leche League meetings were fine, but I had a hard time getting to the monthly meetings since I work. Plus, I think I was the least hippie person at the meetings but by far had the oldest nursing child. Just seemed weird. Joining St. Anne’s Circle seems like a great fit. Sometimes I feel like a poser, but I just remind myself that I belong to the church as well. We have a playgroup with 4 or 5 other families and we go to afternoon library hours with them. It is a service organization, so I also get to participate in fund-raisers, bake sales, and such which keeps me feeling that I’m giving something back to the church.

The last thing that’s allowed us to connect with other families is that we were invited to join a Supper Club through some of the families in Noah’s school and have gotten to know some of those families. It was great because when Kellan was 9 months old, Tom had to start working full-time again, and our interaction with those families helped Noah’s transition back into school.

So, my one piece of advice to other mom’s is to just go find something to join and use different avenues to meet new people. And just don’t give up. Just because you don’t find the right fit at first, there are like-minded people out there. You’ll find them eventually.

So, Noah was born. . . and it is a miracle that I got through that first week. In the hospital, he was fine, but the minute we got home, he stopped latching on and screamed and screamed and screamed. He would suck for a few seconds and then start screaming. From all of the people I had known, I had never heard that there could be problems. On Monday, we called our pediatrician for help – and all she said was that we needed to see a lactation consultant immediately, she gave us a phone number for one, and told us that if we decided to supplement, to use a medicine dropper and not to not give him any bottles. So we called the lactation consultant (The Pump Station in Santa Monica) and got their next availalbe appointment which was in two days. The next morning, they called us and said they had a cancellation and asked if we could make it there in 45 minutes. The place was 30 to 45 minutes away, but low and behold, we made it. After observing us for 5 minutes, Wendy diagnosed that I had a slow letdown and a very impatient baby and taught us the miracle of a few drops of a 5% glucose solution on the nipple.

And then things changed. We went from screaming baby, to a baby who wanted to nurse every 45 minutes to an hour for 45 minutes to an hour at a time. Yes, you read that right. Noah was nursing 24 hours a day. There was a heat wave in Los Angeles, we lived in a 2 bedroom apartment where the only AC unit was in our bedroom, so I sat in our bedroom breastfeeding all day long. I remember days when Tom would come feed me because I couldn’t take a break. Of course after the first several days of screaming, this was sort of welcome.

For the first 10 or 12 weeks of life, Noah just nursed A LOT. I thought I was gonna go back to work when he was 6 or 8 weeks old because people told me I’d get bored at home. Well 6 or 8 weeks into it my baby just wasn’t ready for me to go back to work so I extended my maternity leave for the full FMLA time of 12 weeks. When Noah was about 4 weeks old, my pediatrican recommended that I get a pump and that if I was going to pump at work, I should get an electic double pump like a Medela Pump-In-Style. My mother-in-law happenned to be visiting during that appointment so as our baby gift she gave us the money to buy a nice pump.

When Noah was around 8 weeks old, I was worried that, once I went back to work, he would have to be supplemented since he wanted to eat so frequently. I called a LaLeche League Leader who put me totally ease – she said not to worry, this is completely normal, and that he would be a completely different baby in another 4 weeks. And boy was she right. At this time, I also started educating myself and finding support at message boards like Breastfeeding.com.

Once I went back to work and started pumping, I always seemed to have just enough for the next day. It worked out. I kept going to the message boards to find support. By about 6 months old, Noah would only take a bottle when I was away from him and absolutely wouldn’t take a bottle if I was home, especially in the middle of the night. Then around 9 or 10 months, he completely stopped taking a bottle.

When he turned a year, he was so attached to breastfeeding, I didn’t understand how people could just wean their child. I really believe that breastfeeding through his second year kept him really healthy especially since he was in full-time daycare at this point. By this time, I had done enough research to know that there are plenty of people who breastfeed past a certain point, that the predicted natural weaning age is sometime between the age of 2.5 and 7, and that breastmilk continues to be a good thing for the child beyond the age of 1. In fact, the World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding up to two years of age and beyond. When he turned two, I got pregnant with Kellan, but decided to keep going. It didn’t really bother me, and my OB said that there was absolutely no problem with continuing to breastfeed. Plus, I figured it would help with the transition with the baby. So here we are at almost 4 years and we’ve decided to call it quits. We’ve prepared Noah, and I honestly think he’ll be just fine. Me however… we’ll see.

TWELVE MINUTE PASTA TOSS

• 16 ounces rotini pasta
• 4 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves, cut into bite size pieces
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 1/4 teaspoons salt
• 2 teaspoons fresh basil
• 1 1/4 teaspoons dried oregano
• 1 cup chopped sun-dried tomatoes
• Grated Parmesan cheese to add on top (optional)
• Red pepper flakes to add on top (optional)

1. Cook and drain pasta as directed.
2. While pasta is cooking, in a 5-quart pot, heat oil from the sun dried tomatoes and saute chicken, garlic, salt and oregano until chicken is cooked. Add any vegetables and sauté until cooked. Add sun-dried tomatoes and cook for two minutes.
3. Remove from heat and add fresh basil. Toss with pasta. Serve with grated Parmesan cheese and red pepper flakes if desired.

JAPANESE STYLE SESAME GREEN BEANS
1 tablespoon canola oil
1 1/2 teaspoons sesame oil
1 pound fresh green beans, washed
2 tablespoon soy sauce
1 teaspoon sambal (Vietnamese garlic chili sauce)
1 tablespoon toasted sesame seeds (if you have untoasted, just put them in a pan, no oil, stirring constantly, over medium heat until they start to turn a golden brown)

DIRECTIONS
Warm a large skillet or wok over medium heat. When the skillet is hot, pour in canola and sesame oils, then place whole green beans into the skillet. Stir the beans to coat with oil. Cook until the beans are bright green and slightly browned in spots, about 10 minutes. Combine soy sauce and sambal. Remove green beans from heat, and stir in soy sauce mixture; cover, and let sit about 5 minutes. Transfer to a serving platter, and sprinkle with toasted sesame seeds.

So what do I cook? First, I should say that we eat at home most every night usually as a family. We pretty much use fresh ingredients. We maybe go out to eat once every month or two to a fairly cheap restaurnat, and a few times a year, we’ll get a babysitter and go out for date night.

Tom has a couple of things that are simple for me to get ready and cook (chicken wings and burgers, mac and cheese). I also have a few Turkish things (from my mom) that I cook. Other than that, I peruse a couple of websites and find some high rated recipes and try those out.

We have a 2 week vacation planned later this year and I just don’t have the vacation time work to take to visit them at any other time this year. I’ll drive in early the 1st morning of the class, and I figure, if it ends up being too difficult a day, I can drive back and forth or Tom can drive up to Charlotte with Kellan. At least Tom will have his parents to help, especially with Noah.

Montessori Organizations.

If you’re looking for a Montessori school, you can find a school or find out if the school you’re considering is listed at any of these sites. There is also information throughout. I don’t know what it takes to get listed, but in my opinion, it gives credibility to that school:

American Montessori Society
The Montessori Foundation / Montessori Online
Montessori Connections
Montessori: The International Montessori Index
North American Montessori Teacher’s Association

What to Look for in a Montessori Classroom:
The next thing is to observe the class for a few hours. Our school’s website outlines the following in what to look for in that observation period:
1. Are the children happy? Are they enjoying what they are doing? Is there an aura of happiness in the classroom atmosphere?
2. Are the children involved and interacting with the materials? Are the majority of the children absorbed in what they are doing?
3. Are the children treated with respect?
4. Do the adults listen to the children?
5. Do the adults appear to trust the children? Do the children appear free?
6. Are the children encouraged to be creative – imaginative – in what they say and in their art work?
7. Do the adults respect the child’s work and encourage the children?
8. Are the learning materials easily available to the children? Do they seem appropriate?
9. Are the children working for their own satisfaction?
10. How much of the day is spent on individual activities (those of the children’s choosing) and how much time on group activities?
11. Are most activities initiated by the children or by the directress or director?
12. How much do the children do for themselves and how much is done for them? Is independence fostered?
13. Is there a quiet hum of activity?
14. Do the children appear relaxed and secure?
15. Does the directress or director have a pleasant expression of his/her face?
16. Does the classroom environment appear attractive and orderly?
17. Is there a place for everything? Do the children put their work “back in it’s place?”
18. Do the adults appear to love their work and the children?
19. Does the appearance and manner of the directress or director suggest professionalism?
20. If you were a child, would you want to be in this classroom?

Montessori Material Manufacturers
Lastly, most Montessori material is pretty expensive – too expensive to have in the home. It’s one of the reasons why Montessori schools are more expensive than other schools. We discovered this when we went out looking at cheaper options for preschool. If you’re wealthy, go for it – buy the stuff for your home, although I’ll admit some of the activities are pretty complicated and may be best for the school environment. We can barely afford Montessori school, so buying stuff for the home isn’t an option for us. For anyone considering Montessori, I would encourage you to compare what the school has to the material on these websites:
Michael Olaf
Neinhaus
Montessori-n-Such
Montessori Services
http://www.bruinsmontessori.com/

So we made the plunge. Tom gave up his career at an awesome firm. We gave up the awesome restaurants, the convenience of delivery for dinner of pretty much any type of food we wanted (not just Pizza Hut or Dominoes).

And now we still have a great life! Tom fumbled for a couple of years with a lousy job, but now he couldn’t ask for anything better. My commute is usually around 15 minutes. And, we have a house.

I miss LA from time to time. But if I still lived there, my life wouldn’t be the same as I remembered it. Throwing a couple of kids into the mix certainly changes things. At least we have that experience to draw from.